Trump Transition Team Power Lunch Menu
By Billy Roper
Gary Cohn, President-elect Trump’s pick for White House Chief Economic Advisor, has never tasted the melty deliciousness of a ham and cheese on rye.
Andrew Puzder, his nominee for Secretary of Labor, is in favor of amnesty for all illegal immigrants, but not if he has to share a dish of chorizo with them. However, Housing and Urban Development choice Ben Carson, raised on chitlings, loves intestinal sausages, pork or not.
Steven Mnuchin, who will be the new Secretary of the Treasury, likewise doesn’t treasure bacon on his club sandwich.
Wilbur Ross, the presumptive winner of the top Department of Commerce spot, spent a quarter century working for the Rothschilds, where he saved the incoming President’s Atlantic City real estate holdings, and learned to appreciate the finer points of kosher snacks, too. Since the emerging Presidential cabinet is about five and a half times more Jewish than the American population as a whole, that’s a good thing for him.
Nikki Haley may not be an observant enough Hindu to eschew a burger, but folks at the U.N. won’t care as much as South Carolineans did, one way or the other. She and Seema Verma, the soon-to-be Administrator of the Centers of Medicaid and Medicare Services, can share a plate of curry.
Elaine Chao, the Asian woman (Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell’s wife) given the Department of Transportation nod, comes from a culture that will eat just about anything, of course. You give an Asian chick that position for the same reason that you give Scott Pruitt, who has sued the E.P.A. multiple times, the keys to the Environmental Protection Agency; or Cathy Rodgers, who supports allowing the Federal government to drill on tribal territories, the full run of the Department of the Interior. As a joke. Or, consider Department of Education nominee Betsy DeVos, who opposes common core and supports school vouchers as an option away from public schools for parents. Unless the idea is to make the departments so inefficient that bureaucratic red tape makes them fail…or to make charter schools and private schools so dependent on Federal funding that their curriculum can be influenced, along the way. “Here ya go, kid. Try this. First hit’s free. Now, about this creation science stuff…”
Presumptive Secretary of State choice Rex Tillerson was President of the Boy Scouts of America when they endorsed allowing homosexuals to all-boy sleepovers. He likes a lot of oil on his tossed salad, as the chairman and CEO of Exxon-Mobil corporation.
Linda McMahon, the WWE matron slated to head the Small Business Administration, likes her entrees ersatz, with extra cheese. General Kelly for Homeland Security grew accustomed to divided mess hall trays while in the service, so he still has a fondness for borders, at least until everything is inside and ready to mix up into one sameness, mmm, mmmm. It all goes to the same place, anyway. Terry Branstad doesn’t care for Chinese food, and Gen. Mattis will be content to chew sand, a lot of sand, in the Department of Defense. For Deputy Secretary of Commerce, Todd Rickett’s mom raised him on good kosher food, too, so he’ll be content with whatever Mnuchin, Cohn, Puzder, and Ross are eating.
Tom Price, looked at for Health and Human Services, wants a big slice carved out of Obamacare. K.Y. McFarland, Deputy National Security Advisor, is rumored to prefer eating kitty. Her boss, Gen. Flynn, may share some of Mattis’ sand-wich, while rising C.I.A. Director Mike Pompeo got to the table by drinking lots and lots of tea. This isn’t his first party. Jeff Sessions, who wants to be Attorney General, will have to convince everyone at the table that he actually does like the dark meat, too. Steve Bannon, chief strategist and counselor, doesn’t care what he is served, so long as it’s passed from the left to the right, and Reince Preibus, Chief of Staff, wants to sit in the middle. Don McGahn, Chief White House Counsel, just hopes they don’t all have to eat crow by January 20th.
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